Since I've recently returned to work, I'm sure many of you have gathered that life for me has been hectic to say the least (see previous blog post date). Not that I'm complaining. I'm actually somewhat settling into a routine again (sort of) and stretching out the growing pains that came with the start of a new school year. I think it's no big secret that I was, and still am, having a tough time adjusting. And these days, at the drop of a hat, I find myself just as easily bursting into tears as cracking up laughing. Added to the list: sleepwalking through the day has become the norm. Not just the typical mid-afternoon yawns, but the almost crippling urge to crawl under my desk and close my eyes for a while. While I could chalk this all up to simply being a full-time working mommy, there was this intuitive, natural part of me that suddenly said (clear as day), "doesn't this all feel a little familiar??" And then it hit me. Could I be pregnant? Again? Well, three home tests and a trip to my OB's office has confirmed it. I am indeed pregnant!
Our reaction? Complete and utter shock. I mean how could I be pregnant? Again?! Not that I wasn't happy with the news, just completely and totally, fall-out-of-your-chair shocked. We were careful. We took precautions. But after a couple days of trying to figure out the how and the when of how we conceived again, I finally dropped the investigation altogether and just accepted the news. What I was met with was a whole rush of conflicting emotions. Happiness, of course. We're going to have another baby! A beautiful little miracle. But wait, we already have a beautiful little miracle. Her name is Lina. How on earth will I be able to love another child the way I love my daughter? Will Lina get lost in the shuffle when we have a newborn in the house? Will I be able to divide my attention equally between two children? What about work? More maternity leave...Oh my God - I have to give birth again. Wait how far apart will the kids be? 16, 17, 18. Yes, 18 months apart. Woah. Is our home big enough? Will we be able to handle all this? Oh, I'm going to have to buy a double stoller now. What else are we going to have to buy? Where are my maternity clothes? In storage?
And my thoughts rolled on and on like that for a good couple of weeks. But then, just as fast as they had come, it all sort of just escaped me. All the worries and fears about having another child eventually subsided. And in its place I welcomed one of the absolute best feelings into my heart. Just sheer gratitude. We're having a baby, and I can now say that I am thrilled. I couldn't be more grateful for this incredible gift we are being given. Our family is growing and this must be what God wants for us right now. Although Mike, being the voice of reason, did suggest that we "cool it after this one." I think I agree with him. But for right now, I am enjoying every minute of pregnancy #2. And also savoring this very precious time where Angelina is the only child in the house. That seems so odd to think about. But I'm also so happy to be giving her one of life's best gifts - a brother or sister.
DD: 5/14/11 :)